Growing up, we learn that honesty is a valuable trait, and telling the truth is important. Most of us tell small, harmless “white lies” occasionally to avoid awkward situations or to spare someone’s feelings. These aren’t meant to deceive; they’re often a way to navigate social interactions smoothly.
For instance, you might compliment a friend’s home-cooked meal even if it’s not entirely to your taste. Or perhaps you’ve politely agreed that you love a new haircut, even if it wasn’t what you envisioned. These are common, relatable moments.
Understanding Compulsive Lying: Is It a Symptom or a Condition?
Compulsive lying, also known as pseudologia fantastica or mythomania, is different. It refers to a persistent habit of deceiving others, often without any clear external benefit to the liar. Unlike typical lies, which usually have a motive, compulsive lies seem to serve no apparent purpose.
Pathological liars fabricate intricate stories about their past or present. This can be incredibly frustrating and confusing for friends, family, and colleagues, as it becomes difficult to discern what’s real. For example, a pathological liar might claim to be related to a famous person, recount elaborate tales of life-threatening accidents, or invent grandiose stories that seem unbelievable.
We understand how incredibly challenging and emotionally draining it can be when you’re dealing with someone who consistently fabricates the truth. Our goal is to help you understand these dynamics and find your path to peace of mind.
While there’s limited research on compulsive lying, scientists are still exploring whether it’s a standalone condition or a symptom of other mental health challenges. Compulsive lying isn’t listed as a separate diagnosis in the ICD-10 Classification of Mental and Behavioural Disorders. However, it has been linked to Munchausen syndrome (also known as factitious disorder), where individuals might lie about being ill or injured.
It can also be a symptom of personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder. These conditions often lead to significant difficulties in interpersonal relationships.
According to a study published in the British Journal of Psychiatry, individuals who are pathological liars show a 22-26% increase in prefrontal white matter. This brain difference may contribute to their tendency for compulsive lying. While they might exhibit great verbal fluency and thought processing, they often struggle with empathy and emotional connection. Studies also indicate that pathological liars frequently find it challenging to maintain stable employment and long-term relationships because their deceptive patterns are eventually revealed.
How to Spot a Pathological Liar
It’s important to remember that frequent lying doesn’t automatically mean someone is a pathological liar. If lies are told to cover up mistakes or gain something, they are typically “normal” lies. What makes pathological lies stand out is that they are often easy to verify. For instance, someone might claim to have a prestigious award or degree, but a quick check would expose the falsehood.
Identifying a pathological liar can be difficult, especially when you first meet them. You might believe their stories for a while, but over time, certain patterns tend to emerge.
Here are some common signs of compulsive lying:
- Lack of clear motive: Pathological liars often don’t have anything obvious to gain from their lies.
- Absence of guilt or remorse: They typically show no signs of guilt, shame, or regret about their fabrications.
- Elaborate storytelling: Their stories are often intricate, larger than life, and can sound too good (or too bad) to be true. In these narratives, they frequently portray themselves as either heroes seeking admiration or victims seeking sympathy. People can sometimes be drawn in by their captivating storytelling abilities.
- Quick explanations for inconsistencies: When they forget details or contradict themselves, pathological liars are quick to invent elaborate, often unbelievable, explanations to cover their tracks.
- Defensiveness or hostility when confronted: If called out on their behaviour, they typically deny everything, becoming defensive, angry, or even hostile.
- Persistence in lying: Pathological liars are often remarkably bold and will continue lying even after being caught red-handed.
How to Cope with a Pathological Liar
Interacting with a friend, relative, or colleague who lies compulsively can be incredibly difficult and emotionally taxing. You might experience anger, a profound sense of distrust, and a strong urge to make them stop. However, most pathological liars are not receptive to help, especially since they often don’t feel guilt or shame for their lying. They usually won’t seek therapy for lying until they face severe consequences, like bankruptcy or the breakdown of key relationships.
Sometimes, for your personal growth and well-being, the healthiest choice you can make when dealing with a pathological liar is to limit or avoid contact. It’s perfectly understandable if you don’t want to maintain a relationship where you constantly second-guess the other person.
However, ending all contact might not be possible, especially if the person is a family member or a colleague you frequently interact with for work. In these situations, learning how to manage your conversations and interactions becomes essential.
Remember, the lying isn’t personal; it often stems from an underlying mental health condition. Losing your temper or lashing out won’t help; when confronted, they will likely deny everything and become defensive. Instead, we encourage you to be kind but firm.
What to Say (and Not Say) to a Pathological Liar
Do Say:
- “My understanding of the situation is X.” (State the fact calmly without accusation.)
- “I’m not comfortable discussing this further right now.”
- “I need to verify that information before I can proceed.”
- “I’m going to take a break from this conversation.”
Don’t Say:
- “You’re lying!” (This often leads to defensiveness.)
- “That’s impossible, I know the truth.” (Focus on facts, not confrontation.)
- “Why do you always lie?” (Avoid generalisations and accusations.)
- “I don’t believe a word you’re saying.” (This escalates the situation.)
If you are in a position to do so, suggest that they might benefit from therapy for lying. Otherwise, disengage from the conversation when they start fabricating, as this can help discourage the behaviour.
Seeking Support: Therapy for Pathological Liars and Their Loved Ones
Dealing with pathological liars can take a significant toll on your emotional well-being. It’s natural to feel confused, betrayed, or frustrated. We believe that prioritising your own progress and mental health is crucial.
Understanding the Journey: What to Expect from Therapy for Compulsive Lying
Therapy for compulsive lying can offer a path to growth and improvement not only for the individual who struggles with lying but also for those affected by it.
For the pathological liar, therapy often focuses on:
- Addressing underlying conditions: Since compulsive lying is often a symptom, therapy will explore and address any co-occurring personality disorders, trauma, or other mental health challenges.
- Developing coping mechanisms: Learning healthier ways to manage stress, anxiety, and impulses that might trigger lying.
- Building self-awareness: Helping the individual understand the impact of their lying on themselves and others, fostering a sense of responsibility.
- Improving interpersonal skills: Learning to communicate honestly and build trust in relationships.
For those impacted by a pathological liar, therapy provides invaluable support:
- Processing emotions: A safe space to express feelings of anger, hurt, confusion, and betrayal without judgment.
- Setting healthy boundaries: Learning effective strategies to protect your emotional well-being and limit the impact of the lying.
- Developing coping strategies: Gaining tools and insights to navigate difficult interactions and manage your reactions.
- Rebuilding trust (if desired): For relationships where both parties are committed, therapy can help explore if and how trust can be re-established.
We understand that starting a therapy journey can feel daunting. At UK Therapy Guide, we transform the impersonal search for a therapist into a warm, reassuring, and confidence-building experience. We connect you with personally vetted therapists who can offer tailored support for your unique situation.
If you are struggling with the impact of a pathological liar in your life, or if you believe someone you care about could benefit from support for compulsive lying, we are here to guide you.
Frequently Asked Questions About Pathological Lying
What is the difference between normal lying and pathological lying?
Normal lying typically has a clear motive, like avoiding consequences or sparing feelings. Pathological lying, or pseudologia fantastica, is a habitual pattern of deception often without obvious external gain and can be a symptom of underlying mental health conditions.
Can a pathological liar change?
Change is possible for a pathological liar, but it typically requires professional help through therapy for lying to address underlying issues and develop healthier coping mechanisms. They must also be willing to acknowledge their behaviour and commit to the journey of growth.
How do you protect yourself from a pathological liar?
To protect yourself from a pathological liar, set firm boundaries, verify information, limit your emotional investment, and consider disengaging from conversations when lying occurs. Prioritising your own well-being and seeking support for yourself, perhaps through therapy, is crucial.
Is pathological lying a sign of a mental illness?
While pathological lying itself is not a standalone diagnosis, it is often a symptom or associated with certain mental health conditions, including Munchausen syndrome, narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder.